BNP leak gets the Downfall treatment

This being the internet, all news events must be responded to with a subtitle-tweaking parody of the scene in Downfall where Hitler gets told bad news, rants like a lunatic, then finally accepts defeat. We are pleased to report that, following the leaking of the BNP's entire membership list, the web has duly obliged. It's outstandingly sweary (in a subtitly way) so we've stuck it after the jump to preserve some element of safe-for-workishness about this blog.

[WARNING: THIS VIDEO CONTAINS SWEARING WHICH MAY OFFEND]

Two-headed kitten has twice the cuteness of regular kittens

To the astonishment of vets, a kitten has been born in Australia with approximately double the number of heads one usually expects to find on a kitten.

The heads, of which there are two, are attached to the neck of Coco, who was born in Perth - one of a litter of three.

The two-headed cutester can even miaow with both mouths at once, which is just adorable. Also, it is a demon and will try to destroy us all.

Mobile phone saves man's life

An American claims that a mobile phone in his chest pocket saved his life, after it stopped a bullet.

68-year-old R.J. Richard from Covington, Louisiana, was mowing the lawn on his 5-acre property when a stray bullet from nearby woods struck the cell phone.

He thought that a rock kicked up by his tractor had hit him - until, that is, he took out the phone and a .45-caliber bullet fell from its case.

Richard told The Times-Picayune of New Orleans he doesn't think it was a coincidence, either.

'I look at this as God telling me to put my cell phone in that pocket, and I'm grateful and humbled,' he said. He claimed that he hardly ever put the phone into that pocket.

Doctors told Richard the bullet came at an angle, which along with the cell phone probably prevented serious injury.

Deputies are investigating the case, St. Tammany Parish Sheriff Jack Strain said. He said the case should serve as a serious warning that people should consider the consequences before firing a gun.

However, Strain said investigators don't believe the shooting was intentional.

Baboons have class system too

When it comes to deciding where a troop of baboons eat, democracy takes a back seat.

Troop leaders make the choice - no matter what the others may think, experiments with the apes showed.

Members of the group would usually go to a dining spot of the leader's choosing even if it meant they got less food than they would have done at other sites.

'It's not just humans that show complex social patterns of despotism and democracy,' said Andrew King, of London Zoo, who carried out the experiments with the apes in the wild.

Bad news for drinkers

'7,500 pubs to close by 2012'


One in eight pubs face closure in the next four years due to "irresponsible" supermarket competition and the economic downturn, a leading beer group said.

The Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA) claim that 7,500 pubs will be forced to cease trading by the end of 2012.

The group has written to Chancellor Alistair Darling asking for tax cuts for pubs and a minimum price per unit of alcohol to stop supermarkets selling it at a loss.


CAMRA chief executive Mike Benner said: "Action to support pubs in the Pre Budget Report, next Monday, is essential in order to prevent a bloodbath of pub closures following the traditionally busy Christmas trading period.

"This year's increase in beer tax has forced publicans to increase beer prices, making visiting the pub less affordable for hard pressed consumers.

"To ensure pub going remains affordable the government must commit to a freeze on beer tax while they consider a reduced rate of tax on beer sold in pubs."

He added supermarket discount deals were 'utterly irresponsible'.

He said: "They are ripping the heart out of community life by closing pubs."

The British Beer and Pub Association said an average of 36 pubs closed every week in the first half of this year, a steep rise from the 27 per week recorded in 2007.

Rare 'Gremlin' animal found on mountain

On a misty mountaintop on the Indonesian island of Sulawesi, scientists for the first time in more than eight decades have observed a living pygmy tarsier, one of the planet's smallest and rarest primates.
Over a two-month period, the scientists used nets to trap three furry, mouse-sized pygmy tarsiers - two males and one female - on Mt. Rore Katimbo in Lore Lindu National Park in central Sulawesi, the researchers said.

They spotted a fourth one that got away. The tarsiers, which some scientists believed were extinct, may not have been overly thrilled to be found.


One of them chomped Sharon Gursky-Doyen, a Texas A&M University professor of anthropology who took part in the expedition.

"I'm the only person in the world to ever be bitten by a pygmy tarsier," Gursky-Doyen said.

"My assistant was trying to hold him still while I was attaching a radio collar around its neck. It's very hard to hold them because they can turn their heads around 180 degrees. As I'm trying to close the radio collar, he turned his head and nipped my finger.

And I yanked it and I was bleeding."

The collars were being attached so the tarsiers' movements could be tracked.

Tarsiers are unusual primates - the mammalian group that includes lemurs, monkeys, apes and people. The handful of tarsier species live on various Asian islands.

As their name indicates, pygmy tarsiers are small - weighing about 2 ounces (50 grammes).

They have large eyes and large ears, and they have been described as looking a bit like one of the creatures in the 1984 Hollywood movie "Gremlins."

They are nocturnal insectivores and are unusual among primates in that they have claws rather than finger nails.

They had not been seen alive by scientists since 1921. In 2000, Indonesian scientists who were trapping rats in the Sulawesi highlands accidentally trapped and killed a pygmy tarsier.

Fare-dodging cat in 100 mile train ride

An intrepid cat has showed a bit of travel nous after apparently hitching a 160km (100-mile) ride underneath a freight train.

The unnamed white-and-tortoiseshell female was discovered grubby but unharmed on a train from Teesside by an engineer in Carlisle, Cumbria.

Her owner is yet to be found.

Dear, the parrot is on the phone

Missing - one cockatiel. Answers to the name of Smokey. Literally...

An escaped parrot has been reunited with his owner after squawking his name down the phone to confirm his identity.

Fugitive Smokey was found in a park by Sue Hill, who tracked down his owner's phone number and called to check the cockatiel was indeed his.

She spoke to David Edward's wife, who asked her to hand the phone over to the parrot. Right on cue, he began chirping: 'Smokey, Smokey!'

'It was very funny. That was the first time the bird had spoken and it was then I was sure he belonged to them,' Mrs Hill said.
Smokey did a disappearing act from Mr Edwards' house in Wrexham on Saturday.

The next day, he landed on Mrs Hill's shoulder while she was out walking in a park 3km (two miles) away. 'He was very friendly and just stayed there,' she said. In a bid to return the lost bird, she phoned several local vets and eventually found one who had been contacted by a worried Mr Edwards.

'I couldn't believe it when Sue contacted us to tell us she had found him. We were delighted,' the grandfather said.

'He has his own character and says phrases such as "Hello Smokey", "Smokey-Cokey" and "What's that?" he added.

Thief in for rude surprise

A saleswoman has warned that a thief was in for a 'real surprise' when a stolen case was opened, and a horde of sex toys and lingerie was discovered inside.

Sam Bowyer, 21, an Ann Summers representative, left the bright pink case full of the raunchy kit in the boot of her Nissan Micra after a sales party.

She found the front passenger window smashed the next day and the case containing lingerie, saucy fancy-dress and 'battery-operated appliances' missing.

Drug dealer recycles himself to escape

German police have mounted a nationwide search for a convicted drug dealer who escaped from jail by hiding in a cardboard box to be taken away for recycling.

A Viersen police spokesman said the 37-year-old Turkish national, whose seven-year prison sentence for drug dealing runs to 2011, had escaped from the Willich prison by hiding in a cardboard box about to be picked up by a recycling truck.

'Shortly after the truck that he was riding in got beyond prison walls, he slit open the box and then cut open the truck's tarpaulin to escape,' said Wolfgang Wiese, Viersen police spokesman.

'I've never seen anything like this,' he added.

Police have been searching in vain for the fugitive since last week, he said. An international search warrant is being prepared in the event he is not found soon, Wiese said.

Man 'hits girlfriend with sandwich'

A man faces an assault charge after allegedly hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich as she was driving.

Police in Flordia said the 19-year-old man became angry and hit the woman in the arm and face with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off.

The victim nearly lost control of the car because she couldn't see the road and the man then allegedly ripped off the rear-view mirror and used it to shatter the windshield. The man was freed on $7,500 bail.

Police haven't said what type of sandwich was involved.

The couple were driving on Interstate 95 to their new apartment as their seven-month-old son slept in the back.

The man told investigators that he "didn't want to hit her so he threw a sandwich at her striking her in the face knocking her glasses off".

Rogue flamingo recaptured in Iowa

An Iowa zoo has recaptured a flamingo that flew over a Des Moines neighborhood, a golf course and the entire zoo during a 7-hour freedom flight.

Blank Park Zoo workers clipped the adult Chilean flamingo's wings a second time after it was recaptured.

The zoo's flamingos usually don't fly because their wings have been clipped. But zoo spokesman Terry Rich says the birds can molt and regrow those feathers, enabling them to fly.

Man blames penis iPhone gaffe on glitch

A man who was caught by his wife sending pictures of his genitals to a lover via iPhone claimed it was caused by an Apple bug.

The incident has become an internet sensation after the wife, named Susan, made a posting on Apple's discussion forum asking for technical support.

She was trying to find out whether her husband had a genuine excuse, even though she had already caught him making late night phone calls and sending messages to other women.

She wrote: "Please help! I took my husband's iPhone and found a raunchy picture of him attached to an e-mail to a woman in his sent e-mail file.

"When I approached him about this (I think that he is cheating on me) he admitted that he took the picture but says that he never sent it to anyone.

"He claims that he went to the Genius Bar at the local Apple store and they told him that it is an iPhone glitch: that photos sometimes automatically attach themselves to an e-mail address and appear in the sent folder, even though no e-mail was ever sent."

Susan asked the Apple experts on the discussion board to tell her if they had ever heard of the bug, saying "the future of my marriage depends on this answer".

Her account on the Apple site says she is from New Jersey.

Most people on the forum told her the excuse was laughable, but interestingly, two newly-registered users posted responses saying they had experienced a similar glitch.

However, regulars on the forum soon queried whether the posts came from Susan's husband.

Susan even described the picture in question on the forum.

"It was a close-up shot of him pleasuring himself taken at the exact moment of maximum pleasure," she wrote.

"It's such a good shot that one must wonder if he actually practiced it a few times before getting it right."

Susan thanked the discussion board and said her lawyer was "working on the divorce complaint".

Pasta jar penis man chased by police

A man has been fined after he was caught by police in his car with his penis in a pasta jar.

Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, was spotted acting suspiciously in his car by police near Nobbys Beach in Australia.

When police approached him, they suspected he might be armed, so they drew their weapons.

When he saw the officers, Weatherley pulled away and led police on a 20kph chase which lasted up to ten minutes.

Police found a number of items in the car, including pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier
When he finally stopped the vehicle, he refused to exit the car, and officers used batons and spray to remove him. They found him with a 750ml pasta jar around his penis.

While they were trying to restrain him, Weatherley continued to pleasure "himself in between bouts of wrestling".

Police found a number of items in the car, including pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.

Weatherley pleaded guilty to offensive behaviour, resisting police and disobeying a police direction.

He said he resisted police because he was trying to make himself "decent". He was fined £257.

Store returns $7,500 left in shoes

It took some fancy footwork, but a Goodwill store in Illinois has found the owner of $7,500 in cash mistakenly donated with old shoes.
A newcomer to the United States from Bulgaria found the money this month on her first day at the Goodwill store in Glen Carbon.

Teodora Petrova turned over the money to management.

The cash was found in a shoebox, bundled in large denominations.

Goodwill found the family through hints on scraps of paper left in the box. The donor apparently also called the Goodwill office, figuring he was the source of the cash.

The shoes belonged to the man's recently deceased parents. The store said he didn't want to be identified.

The family has offered Petrova a gift for turning over the money.

Plane crashes into grazing cow

VIDEO: A light aircraft has crashed into a cow after overshooting a runway, knocking the poor animal over.
Now a clip of the accident has become a YouTube hit, with more than 50,000 views.
Viewers can watch from a camera fixed onto the plane's wing as the two pilots appear to completely miss a runway and struggle to bring it down in a neighbouring field.
The two pilots were fine, but what became of the cow we're not sure - hopefully it's moo-ving around freely again. Sorry.

Skull sauna heats up Vienna

An oversize skull with a built-in sauna is turning heads in the Austrian capital.

The white walk-in structure - situated near a busy Vienna intersection - is known as the "Wellness Skull" and also boasts a bathtub and shower. On either side of the neck, that is.
The eye-catching installation, which stands about 4.5 meters tall (about 15 feet) and is made of wood and synthetic material, is the brainchild of Dutch artist Joep van Lieshout.

Van Lieshout said his 2007 creation was part of a series of pieces linked to body parts.
"It's really a piece that has many different interpretations," van Lieshout said when asked about the skull's deeper meaning. "Like a painter uses paint, I use design."

Tourists and locals alike appeared astounded by the skull, part of an effort by Public Art Vienna to revitalise and enhance urban space around the capital.
"It's the most random thing I've seen in Vienna," said 27-year-old Nick Abrahams from London.
"It's really strange," echoed Nick Trute, 29, from Sydney, Australia.

Although the skull was built to be fully functional, visitors won't be able to try it out or witness steam emanating from its eye sockets - something that only happens when the sauna, which fits eight people, is in use.
Visitors will be able to go inside every first Saturday of the month or by appointment.

Couple pay £136 for samosas

A Dutch couple on a visit to the eastern Indian state of Bihar paid 10,000 rupees (£136) for four samosas, a spicy deep-fried snack that usually doesn't cost more than a few rupees.

After the tourists ate the snacks, a stall owner at the Sonepur cattle fair last week told them his "special" samosas cost more because they were made of herbs and had aphrodisiac qualities.

After an argument, the couple paid the shopkeeper. But they later complained to a policeman.

Police forced the shopkeeper to return the change - 9,990 rupees.

Cougar mauls trespassing teen

A teenage girl has been mauled by a cougar after a friend illegally entered a house to impress her by showing off the animal.

The 16-year-old was attacked in the home of a wildlife collector in Miami-Dade, Florida after she and Anthony Zitnick, 21, went into the house.

She was taken to hospital for surgery, but it is thought she will make a full recovery.

The home is owned by Alan Rigerman, who legally keeps two cougars, as well as snakes, tortoises and alligators. He was at a reptile show at the time.

Zitnick was arrested for unauthorised entry. He was treated for shock by paramedics after Chaos, a 70-kg cougar, attacked the girl.
The four-year-old animal jumped on the girl and put its jaws around her head.

A neighbour heard the girl's screams and burst into the house before kicking and punching the cougar away from the girl.

Rigerman said Zitnick entered the house using a key he had given him after Hurricane Wilma in 2005, when Zitnick did gardening work for him.

Chaos remains at the house, locked up in a cage. An investigation is under way.

Battle of the bums declared down under

Two rival 'Best Bum' competitions are about to go cheek to cheek in a battle for supremacy.

A festival in the outback of Queensland, Australia has said it is prepared to enter a legal battle to keep one of its treasured tournaments.

For the past few years, the Julia Creek Dirt and Dust Festival has been running 'Australia's Best Butt' competition. It has registered the business name and a website for the event.

However, co-ordinator Margy Rider says it has some rivalry in the form of an international company which wants to hold a similar competition.

She said Julia Creek would fight for intellectual property rights to keep the title.

"Last week when we saw on national TV Australia's best bum, we do Australia's best butt and theirs of course is a different name, but we think just because they've got a bit more money than us they take it," she said.

"It's going to be like the big Goliath thing, we're going to go up against them and say 'back off'."